We're all growing and changing, always trying to be our best selves. That's why there are so many books, podcasts, and people online telling us how to be happy, successful, and "perfect."
It doesn’t matter most of them are telling us to do the same thing, we still want to read every other article on the best morning routine because there is always a hope that this article may give us some insight on how to be better.
And because all these articles/videos work, influencers or writers keep producing this content.
They will show you their perfect 4 am morning routine, their 4-hour work days and they make all of this look so easy.
Instead of being motivated, we end up depressed.
Why can’t I do this?
While drowning in the sea of information and advice, we often overlook a fundamental paradox at the heart of self-improvement:
The more we try to change ourselves, the more we reinforce the notion that there's something inherently wrong with who we are right now.
And this is because of a deep-rooted belief that our current selves are somehow inadequate, or in need of fixing.
We're bombarded with messages that tell us we need to be more productive, more mindful, more disciplined, more successful, more attractive, or more muscular.
It's good to want to learn and improve, but sometimes it can feel like we're not good enough as we are.
If you also feel this way, you’re not alone. I feel that almost all the time.
In this constant struggle to fix ourselves, we forget what makes us unique. We forget who we really are and what makes us special.
So, we end up depressed. And we’ve lost every part of ourselves and are still not fulfilled.
How do we solve this problem?
Instead of fixating on what we lack or need to change, true self-improvement comes from cultivating a deep sense of self-acceptance and self-compassion.
It's about embracing our current reality, flaws and all, while gently nudging ourselves toward growth and evolution.
It's about recognizing that we're already enough, even as we strive to become more.
This doesn't mean that we should stop setting goals or working towards personal development. It simply means that we should approach self-improvement from a place of self-love and self-understanding, rather than self-criticism and self-judgment.
I’m not telling you to spend all your time shouting affirmations in the mirror and meditating because I know that alone will not work. I’m telling you to spend time with yourself.
Find out who you are. Find out your goals first and then find ways to achieve these goals.
But don’t approach anything with self-loathing.
I always do this.
I am not good enough.
I hate myself.
I am not made for this.
All these negative thoughts will just ruin your life. This is not self-improvement.
I'd rather take 3 years and reach my goals with a clear head than rush through a year of anxiety.
Being kind to ourselves means accepting that we're not perfect robots. We'll have ups and downs, and that's okay!
Just like we wouldn't judge a friend for messing up, we shouldn't beat ourselves up either.
Real self-improvement isn't about changing yourself into someone new or being "perfect."
It's about understanding yourself better, finding what makes you special, and dealing with difficulties kindly.
Self-improvement is about becoming the best version of YOU!
As Maya Angelou said:
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
I needed to read your newsletter this morning! Self-improvement: the name alone implies there's something wrong with us. For me, it's reminding myself that even though I've made a lot of progress, there will be days where I will struggle to stay on track