We all desire close connections and fulfilling relationships.
But in the quest for love, belonging, or validation, we sometimes end up clinging to people who hurt or mistreat us.
And it’s not just romantic relationships. These people can be your friends, family members, partners, or colleagues.
When a relationship becomes toxic, it rarely gets better without drastic change. It doesn’t matter how good your intentions are, or how kind and forgiving you are, the other person will never change just by seeing your behavior.
And the more we try to change ourselves to please others, the more it corrodes our self-worth and erodes our mental health. Yet walking away can feel nearly impossible when emotions run high or history runs deep.
We fear hurt, guilt, loneliness, retaliation, or losing the illusion of comfort or security the relationship provides. So we downplay toxicity as normal, minimize harm as unintentional, or blame ourselves as too sensitive - all to avoid the discomfort we must pass through to break free.
We fail to grasp a key truth:
Choosing ourselves in the face of loss is brave, not selfish.
And even though the prospect of letting go fills us with dread, only with distance and self-compassion can we begin to heal and reclaim inner peace.
I ignored glaring red flags in a close relationship for the last 3 years - her manipulation, sabotage of my other relationships, and subtle cruelty towards others masked as “blunt honesty”, I ignored everything.
I thought I was overthinking. I thought that she’d change if only I could make her understand how her behavior was harming those near her.
And because of the closeness of the relationship, walking away felt nearly impossible.
I still struggle not to blame myself for failing to establish boundaries or change the dynamic sooner.
But after sleepless nights and countless incidents, I’ve finally decided to break the ties, and I could literally breathe easier.
I no longer dread her actions which would inevitably ruin my whole day.
The decision to let go will look different for every situation.
Avoiding someone can mean slowly backing away to focus on other things, saying a kind goodbye to avoid drama, or just not responding to them anymore.
I chose not to interact with her further because I am not good at conflicts.
No matter how you handle it - whether it's talking it out, writing a letter, or just ignoring them - you deserve to feel peaceful.
The discomfort of dealing with it now is much better than feeling bad for a long time or letting someone treat you badly. You deserve better than letting toxic people make you doubt yourself or hold you back.
Here are signs it may be time to let go:
You censor sharing achievements, interests, or aspects of yourself to avoid mockery or jealousy
Interactions leave you feeling guilt-tripped, judged, manipulated, undermined, or perpetually confused
Your mental well-being and stability suffer substantially
You feel pressure to shrink yourself to keep the relationship
Trust is broken without ownership, apology, and lasting behavioral change
They cross established boundaries repeatedly
Support and care only move in one direction
Your fundamental values and priorities are incompatible
Letting go of a toxic relationship means taking control, which might feel really strange if you're used to putting the other person first and giving up your own needs.
But on the bright side, a lifetime of being true to yourself and feeling fulfilled is waiting for you once you break free.
To begin healing and finding peace again:
Cut off all contact if it's possible, or at least give yourself plenty of room away from them.
Block them on social media at first so you're not constantly reminded of them.
Talk to friends you trust who make you feel good, or consider talking to a therapist.
Think about where these relationship patterns started, often in your childhood, so you can stop repeating them without realizing it.
Take really good care of yourself right now, in whatever ways work for you.
Remember that you're already whole and worthy, just as you are.
Allow yourself to grieve, and then slowly start finding new connections that make you feel happy and fulfilled.
In the end, take a moment to think about why you're still holding on to a relationship that you know, deep down, isn't good for either of you.
Is it because of nostalgia, guilt, that nagging voice inside your head, or fear of what might come next?
It's important to acknowledge these feelings without being too hard on yourself, while also reminding yourself that you have every right to move forward.
You can break free from old patterns, let go of past hurts, and ignore those voices, both inside and outside, that tell you that wanting something better is selfish or weak.
You already have all the wisdom, courage, and strength you need to make this journey.
Try not to get too caught up in how you think letting go should look or feel. Be patient and gentle with yourself as you experience all the emotions that come with it.
You’ve got this, friend.
(And hopefully, I’ve got it too)
See you next week,
Sush